So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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