You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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