its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
