I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
