Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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