Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
