He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
