I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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