are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My dick has a subreddit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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