whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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