I think i peed on brittanys purse
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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