So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
