sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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