Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
