So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
