She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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