Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
