I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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