i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize