dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
