Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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