the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
