It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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