I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
