And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
