I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
