Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
