He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
