Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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