When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
