you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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