He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
