Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
