Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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