no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
did you just send me my own nude
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
