I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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