I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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