So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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