He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize