My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
