I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
