I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize