PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
