I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
