accomplished twins. life is a go
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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