Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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