Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
