There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
