I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
