my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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