well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
