Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
