I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
