Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
