The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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