Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Randomize
