she was so not down for the gang bang
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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