someone get that fucking seahorse.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
my poor anus
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Damn victory sex feels great
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
