3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize