I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
