The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize