it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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