We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
