now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
