Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
