My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
this is an emotional support booty call
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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