Apparently you make a good broom.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
