im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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